Ted Season 1 – TV Series

Episodes 01

“Just Say Yes”

After causing one too many mishaps while home alone, Ted is mandated to start attending high school with John. In an attempt to get himself expelled, Ted asks a reluctant Blaire to supply him with marijuana, getting both himself and John hooked on the substance. Matty evicts Blaire from his house after finding out about her drug business, and she explains to John and Ted that she insists on living with them instead of her birth family because she sees potential in her cousin. Ted bribes Matty with the real mouthguard from Rocky in exchange for letting Blaire stay, and he complies. John and Ted promise Blaire to not do drugs again, but secretly agree to still smoke pot.

Episodes 02

“My Two Dads”

After being attacked in the bathroom, John and Ted get back at Clive, the school bully, with a prank call in which they pretend to be his absentee father and humiliate him in public. Despite succeeding, the two feel guilty over hurting his feelings and continue pretending to be Clive’s dad in hopes of bettering his life, something they quickly grow to enjoy doing. However, things come to a head when Clive becomes more interested in meeting his father in person at his birthday party. John and Ted hire a mall cop and aspiring actor to pose as Clive’s dad, but the ruse is discovered. Although angry, Clive comes to realize that his rival’s actions truly did help him out. Meanwhile, Matty is hesitant to receive a colonoscopy due to a painful memory from his Vietnam days. However, he quickly realizes that having Blaire around makes him more comfortable.

Episodes 03

“Ejectile Dysfunction”

John wishes to watch his first porno, but is too young to rent one. Ted is also barred from this since he’s only been alive for eight years. Using fake IDs, the two rent several pornos to watch at home while Susan and Matty are out on a date, but one of the VHS tapes gets stuck in the player. John and Ted sneak into the school building to swap out the tech room’s VCR with their own, knowing it’s an identical model, but are too late to stop Susan from discovering the porn tape. She misconstrues this as Matty not finding her exciting anymore and resorting to porn instead, but Blaire reassures her that this is not true and lies about the VHS being hers, much to the relief of John and Ted, who have run away from home in shame.

Episodes 04

“Subways, Bicycles and Automobiles”

As payback for taking the fall for John and Ted in the previous episode, Blaire forces Ted to be her designated driver on Halloween night, which gets in the way of his and John’s plans to throw eggs at trick-or-treaters. Ted ends up getting drunk at the party and crashes Blaire’s car, with their quest home only being prolonged as they suffer multiple, progressively weirder, setbacks. Meanwhile, John is bored at home waiting for Ted, who promised to be home by 9:00. Susan attempts to remedy this by calling over her friend’s eccentric, thirty-eight-year-old son to keep him company. John is unamused by this, but does learn a valuable lesson in seizing every moment of his life.

Episodes 05

“Desperately Seeking Susan”

Blaire believes that Matty and Susan’s marriage is unhealthy, given the latter’s propensity to let everyone walk all over her, and insists that they undergo marriage counseling. After Matty walks out on a professional counselor, Ted is asked to help instead, and while the couple opens up, Susan reveals that she almost became a teacher before settling down with Matty. Blaire implores her to give it another shot, and she ends up becoming a substitute in John and Ted’s class, following the firing of their old teacher, Mr. Craig. Despite a mostly successful first day, Susan ultimately decides to remain a housewife, as she is plenty satisfied with what she already has.

Episodes 06

“Loud Night”

As Christmas approaches, Blaire’s friend, Sarah, decides to stay with the Bennetts due to a canceled flight. Matty draws the family’s ire after choosing to watch the football game over Susan’s choir solo at church, as well as insulting John’s masculinity and making insensitive remarks about Sarah. Feeling blown off, he makes a wish on a shooting star much like John did in the past, granting sentience to his childhood toy truck, Dennis, who is even more conservative than he is. Both of their beliefs are challenged when Blaire comes out as sexually fluid and reveals that she and Sarah are a couple. The two almost leave before Matty decides to put his family’s happiness first and admits that his beliefs were brought on by his upbringing. Dennis admits that he’s gay as well and was projecting this whole time. After everyone reconciles, he drives away to pursue his new life.

Episodes 06

“He’s Gotta Have It”

Following the introduction of Sex Ed in his class, John realizes that he may be the only remaining virgin in the student body. He and Ted try to prepare him for sex above all else, and soon enough, John meets a girl named Bethany whom he genuinely likes. However, Ted insists that she won’t want to sleep with him if she thinks he’s inexperienced, so the two lie about him being a ladies man with a high body count. Right before John and Bethany can attend the Junior Prom, Bethany decides to break up, not wanting to just be a notch on his belt. After blowing up at Ted, John goes to the prom alone and reveals his secret to the student body, winning Bethany back. The two prepare to have sex at her place, but are interrupted by the news of O. J. Simpson fleeing the cops, much like how Susan and Matty were interrupted by the news of Richard Nixon’s resignation 1974. The episode ends with John and Ted coming up with the “thunder buddies” song from the first Ted movie.